Disclaimer: I feel retarded even including a disclaimer for the following post, but some people are just sen-si-tive, and I understand that. This little ditty is what the kids like to call “tongue-in-cheek” and is meant to point out the irrelevant nature of most political punditry throughout this election campaign. If you don’t see it [...]

Competition is healthy, kids. There’s nothing quite like shattering the brittle hopes and dreams of your rival competitors with one fell swoop of victory. Inevitably, someone’s feelings will get hurt, salty tears will be shed and their delicious souls will be eaten alive, sans cutlery. So in the spirit of the 29th Olympiad I bring [...]

Liquid sunshine cascades over the lush flora that surrounds me. A gentle breeze caresses my cheek like a mother soothing a crying newborn. Morning dew twinkles delicately on the grass. Somewhere songbirds are gently cooing a song that sounds almost identical to George Michael’s seminal classic “One More Try”. My khaki’s are still warm from [...]

If you’re a child of the 90’s such as myself, chances are you grew up with several staples in your formative years. These include but are not limited to: Darkwing Duck, Ace of Bass, Devil Sticks, Nirvana, Pogs, YTV, Pop Rocks, personal computers, Bill Clinton and his philandering, Chia Pets, Body Break and last but [...]

I don’t claim to be an expert on many things.
Rock, paper, scissors is one, yo Mama jokes is another. I’ve had many years of practice at both and I can honestly assure you that there isn’t a living, breathing person on this side of the hemisphere that could school me in the finer aspects of [...]

I recently discovered that girls actually poo. Before this revelation, I was led to believe that the only things that came out of a girl’s ass were diamonds and lollipops. I could not have been more wrong. Don’t think that I’m not on to you, ladies. Every time you excuse yourself from the dinner table [...]

No womb can hold me. Many have tried, and none have succeeded. It’s not their fault really; it’s just that a female’s fleshy uterine walls are no match for the sheer dedication I possessed even as a fetus. I was born 9 weeks premature, and I probably achieved more in those 2 fateful months then [...]