A monthly feature for my posts will be People Who Luke Thinks Are Unfairly Disliked. These individuals will range from celebrities to musicians to political leaders. Leading things off is the woman everyone loves to hate: Rosie O’Donnell.

Spawned from the depths of Candy Mountain is Rosie O’Donnell, a woman who has evolved from a sloth-like Tom Cruise lover to one of the most politically sane entities in Hollywood. She is so easy for conservative America to target it’s absurd as she is painted as some sort of unpatriotic slug, slithering up the assholes of good, flag-waving Americans. Sure she could eat an Indian Elephant in two bites, sure she could hide four, maybe five, children in her sweaty bosoms, but really, who gives a fuck? This loud-mouth lesbian is doing something few talk show hosts in America are brave enough to do: she is openly defying her government in front of a very hostile media. She likely lost her job over this. Freedom of speech is alive and well in America, except when people don’t agree with what you’re saying. I agree with you though Rosie, you slovenly saint, you.

I watch The View… I also wear girl pants, and cried during The Notebook, I keep my masculinity next to my mascara.

My fascination with The View has absolutely nothing to do with the hosts and everything to do with the audience’s perception of the hosts. The View’s success stems from a very creative technique of deception, the hosts appear to be so vapid that the viewers are fooled to believe that they are more intelligent than the individuals they are watching. There is no way that Sherri Shepherd and the hot one (Elizabeth) aren’t acting a little bit on this show. Shepherd wasn’t sure if the Earth was flat or round and the hot one doesn’t even realize she’s on television, she just thinks she’s getting together for coffee with friends everyday. The profundity of the topics dissected in the show is equivalent to a grade two debate at Shady Acres School for the Developmentally Delayed. However, the individual with the most creativity, the most depth, and often the most controversy has always been the host furthest to the left. Currently that seat is occupied by Whoopi Goldberg, the voice of reason and liberalism amongst a surprisingly conservative group of women. Love her or hate her, Whoopi is rational; she is capable of listening to opposing views and is not afraid to correct or refute a claim. She might not have all the facts, but she has what the majority of people don’t, a shred of intelligence.

Before Whoopi, sat the very outspoken and passionate, Rosie O’Donnell. However, due to a disagreement in her contract, Rosie chose to leave the show. Many applauded, but I was very disappointed. Granted, Rosie isn’t the most likeable ‘celebrity’ out there, and her status-quo lesbian image probably doesn’t help her attract fans in red states, but she represented something incredibly rare in daytime television: a radical liberal. The unfortunate thing is that her views are actually pretty moderate in Canada or Scandinavia, but her lack of patriotism, and the fact she looks like a personified version of the Stay Puff Marshmallow Man, wasn’t winning fans over. As I tuned in daily, I saw an obviously more frustrated and tired O’Donnell almost begging co-host Elizabeth to remove the veil of stubbornness and ignorance. It never worked and O’Donnell was left to take verbal and sometimes physical abuse from a fan base who couldn’t understand how someone could rip on the hot one. God bless America.

After being ostracized from daytime television, Rosie has vanished, presumably to her underground layer in Candy Mountain to replenish her strength with Swedish Berries and Sour Patch Kids. One day she will return stronger and sweatier than ever and when that day comes, conservative America better look the fuck out.