I can smell Vin Diesel from my apartment in Montreal — he is lathered up in body lotion and some generic cologne from Italy — the smell is difficult on the nose, but is universally recognized as being the stench of douche. Bros and Jersey Douchebags the world over worship this fairy as their [...]

“Time to suck Today’s dick” – Pineapple Express

I very well might repeat that line every morning in the mirror for the rest of my life. I am on my last ounce of strength right now, I’m in Montreal for absolutely no good reason and have crippled myself with my exploits over the past week or [...]

Canada… what the fuck?
Over the next couple of weeks I intend to answer the question that has plagued Canadians for over one hundred years, what province (or territory) is the best? I know there are inherent flaws in my scientific study, namely, the fact that the entire study relies on the subjective opinions of the [...]

Fly boys crack me up, and I love airport bars, there is truly nothing better to combat the atmosphere of this awkward and sterile vestibule in between real life than alcohol, and airports would suck bad without it. I am sitting at my gate in the Philadelphia airport right now. It is nine at night [...]

If you’re a child of the 90’s such as myself, chances are you grew up with several staples in your formative years. These include but are not limited to: Darkwing Duck, Ace of Bass, Devil Sticks, Nirvana, Pogs, YTV, Pop Rocks, personal computers, Bill Clinton and his philandering, Chia Pets, Body Break and last but [...]

Coming from the exotic state of Hawaii, this surfer boy has changed the music scene for all time. Bringing his unique style (just him and an acoustic) and delivering some of the most devastating lyrics of our generation, it is no wonder why jocks and beasies alike have joined forces to provide one of the [...]

Devotees will recognize this post from my first stint on Luke’s now neglected and soon to be resentful baby thingsifuckinghate.wordpress.com
I know it’s cheap and lazy to recycle material but I have added a great picture not included in the original. As for any newcomers you can now enjoy my tirade against Flav restored here in [...]

Today’s media has become inundated with biased reporting, crackpot journalism, and an obsession with consumerism. This perfect storm of neo-conservative elitism is cataclysmic for the majority of Americans for two reasons: first, the American media is a who’s who of Republican pundits paid enormous amounts of cash to tell borderline truths and questionable facts [...]

I don’t claim to be an expert on many things.
Rock, paper, scissors is one, yo Mama jokes is another. I’ve had many years of practice at both and I can honestly assure you that there isn’t a living, breathing person on this side of the hemisphere that could school me in the finer aspects of [...]

A monthly feature for my posts will be People Who Luke Thinks Are Unfairly Disliked. These individuals will range from celebrities to musicians to political leaders. Leading things off is the woman everyone loves to hate: Rosie O’Donnell.

Spawned from the depths of Candy Mountain is Rosie O’Donnell, a woman who has evolved from a sloth-like [...]