Disclaimer: I feel retarded even including a disclaimer for the following post, but some people are just sen-si-tive, and I understand that. This little ditty is what the kids like to call “tongue-in-cheek” and is meant to point out the irrelevant nature of most political punditry throughout this election campaign. If you don’t see it [...]

I’ve been watching the Olympics. Women’s gymnastics ruptured my loins, Usain Bolt “blew my mind and the word’s” and tonight I have watched the Gold Medal volleyball and ping pong matches and am currently watching Spain try and beat America in basketball much like a stick beats the drum. I was initially hoping to write [...]

Go ahead, buy a cup. Spend seven dollars on a coffee that is served to you by hipster perverts that wear horned rimmed glasses with no lenses. Better get a scone too, that’ll put the cost up to an even ten, it’ll also offset the lack of calories from that decaf, no-fat, specialty coffee [...]

If Conservative America is a digestive system, then Bill O’Reilly is the colon, collecting the chili dog lies and Big Mac deceptions that the Republican Party slams down our throats. These lies and deceptions sit festering in this old, overworked colon, and are eventually expelled via the King Douche himself, Bill O’Reilly. Leaving my socialist [...]

A person who is self aware of their imminent death usually has a pretty high opinion of themselves. I know I would, it’s a very selfish time to be alive so to speak. All compulsive urges must be realized and all spiritual complexes most come to fruition – the latter is usually that smelly 21 [...]

Competition is healthy, kids. There’s nothing quite like shattering the brittle hopes and dreams of your rival competitors with one fell swoop of victory. Inevitably, someone’s feelings will get hurt, salty tears will be shed and their delicious souls will be eaten alive, sans cutlery. So in the spirit of the 29th Olympiad I bring [...]

Alright men,
How many of you are with me when I say a drunken urination, outdoors, without hands and or regard for smaller and therefore worthless life forms is a proud proud moment.

That feeling when the wind is at your back, your pants are at your ankles and your hands are resting on your hips like [...]

There are four (sort of five) women on this planet, all wonderful, unique human beings, for whom I would drop everything (including my pants) and run away with. Seriously, I would devote my entire life to these four wonderful women, I’d worship the ground you walked on, I’d fluff your pillow, and I’d hang [...]

Liquid sunshine cascades over the lush flora that surrounds me. A gentle breeze caresses my cheek like a mother soothing a crying newborn. Morning dew twinkles delicately on the grass. Somewhere songbirds are gently cooing a song that sounds almost identical to George Michael’s seminal classic “One More Try”. My khaki’s are still warm from [...]

The results from Saskatchewan vs. the Northwest Territories are in: Northwest Territories by a landslide, Canada’s north cripples Canada’s breadbasket and advances to round two. The next match-up in round one pits Canada’s fossil fuel giant Alberta, against some ice and shit, formed to create Nunavut. Vote by commenting.

Alberta

This province is so loaded with [...]